Photographs

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Little snippets of time, a raw attempt

To clutch at what slips away.

Sand of pixels,

Slipping through our eyesight–

An attempt to clutch

At the ghost that was

Your smile.

 

You

Slipped on, right by me;

Standing there with a camera,

I took as many

Snapshots as I had film

To try and recreate

The feelings you bring

For when

You are gone.

 

The photos came out blank–

Sheets of failures,

And dim ghosts

That can’t bring

Your smile

Back to life.

 

I take pictures still,

One day longing

To create

The things I had not done

When I was busy

Taking photographs

Of your smile.

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I Have No Reasons

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I’m silent now. I suppose

It would always have ended up

This exact same way–

But I can’t explain

Why I wished so hard for it

To be different.

I knew that I would end up alone.

(But I’m not alone–

(So why do I feel this way?)

I knew I would end up hurt.

However, I never–

I never expected it

To hurt just like this.

I expected the same pain

I had always known–

But not the pain

Of feeling like

I never felt at all.

 

I ended up somewhere,

Drifting out of place and time.

I try my best

To breathe–

Trying to latch on,

But feeling like it’s a crime

To feel unneeded, unnecessary, unloved;

Well, if it’s a crime:

Then I’m a criminal.

If I Had You Back

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If I had you, do you think

I’d let you go again?

I’m fighting now, and fidgeting–

Losing myself in pain.

I’m trying not to remember,

But the words sear my brain:

I let you go, I let you go again.

If I had you now, do you think

I’d let you go again?

I miss the days when I had

You pressed against me,

When I had your voice

Whispering in my ear: “I’m yours.”

 

I’m losing the memories, and I–

I want to fall asleep.

I’m losing the dreams, and I–

I want to wake to you again.

If I had you, would the pain

Of knowing I let you go

Fade?