Do I Belong to You?

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Do I belong to you?

I don’t know

If I do.

When you call my name,

I answer–

But, am I

Devoted

To you?

I need you, it is true–

Your voice,

Your smile.

I need your arms

And your chest

To curl up to.

I need your body heat,

Pressed against me,

Beneath the blankets.

I need you–

But do I

Belong

To

You?

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Break Up With Me If You Think I’m Unreasonable

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I’ve been patient.

I’ve been calm.

I’ve understood.

I’ve defended you to my parents.

I’ve watched over you.

I’ve watched anime with you.

I’ve let you spend time with her.

I’ve let you emotionally control me, abuse me.

I’ve let you think

That throwing money at me

Will make me okay again.

I’ve let you call me clingy.

I’ve let you leave me alone.

I’ve let you hurt me.

 

But now that time is done.

If you want me,

Come and get me.

If you want me,

Give me a reason to let you

Ever touch me

Again.

If you love me,

If you want me,

Show me some freakin’ proof.

Choose me for once.

Choose me, your GIRLFRIEND,

For once.

 

Put away your friends.

Come up with some ideas.

Spend time with me–

And don’t act like it’s a chore.

Stop making me compete.

Stop making me hurt.

 

Stop making me love you,

When it’s getting to be clear

You don’t care

Anymore.

Without Rhyme Nor Reason

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I fell in love

With you,

A man I had never met.

Dark and dangerous,

Full of secrets–

Countless things that pulled me close.

You loved me,

A younger girl,

With a mind as broken

As her heart.

I fell in love–

How broken I was!

How fearful, how lonely.

How could you be

So patient with me?

 

I

Pulled away,

Couldn’t fight it–

But couldn’t stay.

I fled,

Eyes closed shut

And a mind

Unwilling

To admit it.

 

I ran away,

Wishing you

Would chase me–

But instead, you

Waited.

 

You knew

I would come back.

 

You stayed there, waiting.

You watched me

Weep, and grow.

You shaped me into

A healthier love

For you.

You let me grow,

Giving me a place

Where I

Can be safe.

 

Without rhyme, nor reason–

You stayed

With me.

Hope for the Future

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It felt unattainable,

A distant dream.

A goal in mind, with no clue

How to get from A to B–

Much less from B to C.

I thought I’d be content with

Gaming and TV all summer–

But now it turns out

I want something

Much more

For myself.

I want to lose weight,

Learn and grow.

I want to get better,

Get older,

And find something to do

With my life.

I want to feel far better

Than I am now.

I want to swim every day,

I want to run,

I want to play.

I want to do something with my life.

For once, for once–

I know I’m going somewhere,

And it’s somewhere

Worth

Going.

No More

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I can take no more.

No smiles,

No laughs,

Nothing fake.

Nothing more than this.

I’m tired, and it’s starting to drain

At the part of me that

Still tries to feel.

It hurts the most,

It hurts so much–

Is there a light

At the end of the tunnel?

Is there a way out of here?

A way to make

My heart beat again?

I can take no more–

So stop making me love you.

Stop making me put up

With the same pain

Again and again.

Stop playing with me.

Homeland

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I hear it in bird song.

I feel it in rain.

I breathe it in winter.

I can’t hear it again.

 

There’s a peculiar feeling

Of silence and stillness

That I grasp for,

Without success.

 

There’s a feeling of solitude

Without pain, or fear.

A feeling of peace,

Knowing something holds you dear.

 

There’s something I find

Pressed up into you,

In the protection of your arms.

A feeling of something true.

 

When my eyes are closed,

And I’m about to fall asleep–

I grasp that stillness,

And feel my heart leap.

 

I found you, through pain and glory.

I found you, and it hurts,

But that is only payment

For knowing I won’t suffer more broken hearts.

 

I will stay with you,

In my broken homeland

Of roses, thorns, and words.

I will stay, because you understand.

 

You understand me when I can’t

Bear to be touched again.

You understand when I joke and laugh,

But there is something wrong right then.

 

You understand me, and you love me–

Even when I try, and fail.

You even understand when I

Don’t try, and reward me when I prevail.

 

Thank you for providing me

A place where I can be sane.

Where I can relax, and breathe for once,

Instead of surviving through the pain.

 

I know I complain, and I know I cling–

So, thank you for listening

When I’m losing myself.

Thank you for loving.

So Easy to Love

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After all this time,

I’m still in love.

Several months.

Near-breakups.

Fights.

Mistakes, on both sides.

It hurts.

It hurts, but it doesn’t.

The pain–fades.

It’s easy, when you’ve

Figured out

How not to care.

How to let the memories

Fade

And be okay alone.

Be okay alone, when the one you

Love

Is with another.

 

It’s easy to love,

When you pretend

You no longer care.