No More

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I can take no more.

No smiles,

No laughs,

Nothing fake.

Nothing more than this.

I’m tired, and it’s starting to drain

At the part of me that

Still tries to feel.

It hurts the most,

It hurts so much–

Is there a light

At the end of the tunnel?

Is there a way out of here?

A way to make

My heart beat again?

I can take no more–

So stop making me love you.

Stop making me put up

With the same pain

Again and again.

Stop playing with me.

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So Easy to Love

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After all this time,

I’m still in love.

Several months.

Near-breakups.

Fights.

Mistakes, on both sides.

It hurts.

It hurts, but it doesn’t.

The pain–fades.

It’s easy, when you’ve

Figured out

How not to care.

How to let the memories

Fade

And be okay alone.

Be okay alone, when the one you

Love

Is with another.

 

It’s easy to love,

When you pretend

You no longer care.

I Won’t Settle for Less

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You are mine, not another’s.

That laugh of yours?

Heard only

By me.

That smile?

Brought on by me–

If you know what’s good for you.

 

Every time you

Pull out your phone,

Drop time with me for her–

It hurts me, and then

It ceases to hurt.

 

Calluses form where

I had once cared.

Calluses that block out the pain,

But also the need

For you.

 

She has you, at least as much

As I do.

I want it all, though.

I want what I had

Back.

 

I want you.

You say I have you,

But I know it’s a lie.

I want every beat of your heart,

And I won’t settle for less.

 

I’m tired of feeling

Like I’m second best,

Second place,

Second in your heart.

I’m tired of you

Pulling away

To go to her.

I’m tired

Of every game we play

Including her.

I’m tired

Of every conversation

We have

Including her.

I’m tired.

 

I’m tired of being tired.

 

I want to feel

Loved.

And I won’t settle for less.

Without A Word

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Without a word,

I’ll run from you–

And leave you wondering

Why.

Why would I choose

To run

When you (say)

You try so hard.

Why would I run?

Why would I run

When you (seem to)

Work so hard?

As hard as you work,

As much as you try,

It doesn’t

Keep me

From running.

You hurt me.

You push me away,

Choose another,

And expect

Me

To stay.

“End the Suffering”~~Bladesman, Story Two

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“So, you want me to do what?” It’s actually rather hard to hide my voice right now, even though I know situations like this require as much silence as I can muster. I just can’t hide the surprise, as I peer at the tiny women currently glaring up at me.

She puts a thin, well-manicured fingertip to her lips. She shushes me with all the experience a librarian should have, and I automatically shut my mouth. She pauses for a moment, before urging: “You have to do this for me, Bladesman. You’re the only one this poor girl can run to! You have to end the suffering. I….I’ll give you anything you want, just make it go away.”

I rest my eyes on her, biting my lip slightly. “I’m sorry, but you did make of me a very unorthodox request. I’d like to know why.”

“Five hundred grenders,” the woman snaps, assuming–albeit correctly–that some extra money would make me more keen to do as she asked.

Well, I wasn’t about to bow. Not for a mere five hundred grenders.

I’d already bought my chairs, and had been in the process of unboxing them when a messenger boy rapped on my door. It had been the young Johansson boy–the scraggly-blond little waif who somehow always knew how to find me. He’d handed me the woman’s info, and off I’d gone to see her.

So, long story short, I wasn’t looking for any more money.

Still, she looked desperate–so, who was I to judge?

“I’ll do it for seven hundred grenders.”

The woman’s eye twitched, her silver-blue eyes filling with tears for a split second. Then, she nods–“Yes….Just make the suffering end.”

I grin slightly. “So, uh, before I do this…Can I ask why?”

“I’m tired of hurting all the time. I’m tired of feeling like nobody cares about me, and that everybody who says they need me just…goes to others instead.”

I furrow my brows again. “Seems a bit light, to be worth my services.”

“Just….Just do it, before the suffering gets worse.” She’s definitely desperate now, sobbing ever so slightly.

I shrug, giving in.

“Alright, already. I’ll kill your husband for you.”

She smiles.