I Suppose I’m More than Delighted

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The dangers were clear–

Excess skin, exhaustion, and depression.

Starvation mode–something I got close to hitting,

For real.

The dangers were clear.

My friends were supportive.

My lover…less so.

I knew there were problems,

But I knew I would be different–

I had faith in myself to make it.

Weight loss is something I can attain.

Three pounds, more than what I expected

In only a few days.

I can do this,

I know I can–

It hurts,

It aches,

But it feels so good.

I’m more than

Delighted

With the things

I have managed to do.

Even if my darling man

Doesn’t think I have anything to lose–

I’m happy

I’m different.

A New Vow

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Right now, I am working as hard as I can to lose weight. So, a bit about me–I was never thin. I was always curvy. Okay, okay–I was always edging into the realm of fat. I’m short, and currently weighing around 200 pounds. So, I’m not exactly healthy.

I hate it. Naturally, my darling boyfriend doesn’t care about my looks–he, in fact, likes me just how I am now. He’s said often that he thinks I shouldn’t worry about my looks whatsoever, but….I need to. I need to worry about my looks. I need to get thinner, and that’s a fact.

However, I’m in danger of causing myself bodily harm from doing this.

I need to figure out how to eat well, without starving myself. So, I need to count calories less and balance my workout load with my calorie intake.

However, this is going to be hard. I really don’t want to eat a lot anymore, but then that might turn into an eating disorder.

I don’t want to get that extreme.

I know my love wouldn’t allow me to do it, but then again, he doesn’t know everything I do about my weight loss right now. In fact, he isn’t going to find out about the diet pills my mom is going to get me to help me lose weight. I really am never going to tell him about that, because I am…I am pushing what I’m doing.

I’m scaring myself ever so slightly, and I’m getting worried I will just do myself harm.

So, that’s why I’m going to make myself a vow.

I’m not going to kill myself with this. I’m going to lose weight in a healthy fashion, by eating a good amount and remaining continually hydrated. I’m going to exercise–a few KM walk and an hour-long swim session of laps at the beach (or, seeing as I can’t feel my feet for blisters, two hour-long swim sessions). I’m going to be healthy.

I’m going to do this for me, and I’m going to get from 106 pounds to 180 pounds.

WITHOUT killing myself in the process.

This is the Half-Mad Writer, saying thanks for listening to my rambles.

I love you all.